Love/Pain. Synonyms in my world.

In a world where hurt and pain are so prevelant, I have a hard time believing in this thing called "love". It's been said that love is supposed to free us from the weight and pain of life. From my cynical and perfectly coal-rimmed eyes, it seems that love is the main cause of the weight and pain in life. Maybe I shouldn't say love, when I mean to address what passes for love in this day and age. In my overly cynical and perhaps naive mind love is supposed to be this sacred thing. Something that makes you feel safe and comfortable. That pushes you to your limits, but pulls you back right before you fall. Love is supposed to be true and truthful; meaning total honesty. The good and the bad. In my mind, love is supposed to be faithful. Love is supposed to make you feel vulnerable whilst simultaneously making you stronger, because you try things that you normally wouldn't because you know that you have that one person who will always catch you if you should fall. I look at the relationships around me and I can honestly say that if they are any indication of what "love" has become, I'll be single forever. It seems like any and everything will suffice for love these days. People who are in relationships that contain infidelity, dishonesty, malice, and anger can now be considered to be in "love". I'll be the first to say that it confuses me greatly. I'm known, in most circles, as the girl who doesn't believe in love, and with what "love" has become I think that I'm completely justified in my belief. Recently, I've come to the realization that perhaps it's not that I don't believe in love, it's that I don't believe in what passes for love. I feel that if I say that I believe in love, I'll have to admit that I'm okay with a man cheating, lying, and manipulating me whilst sedating myself with lies that he cares about me. Everyone surrounding me in a relationship is in "love" and they put up with that kind of bullshit daily. I made a vow to myself a long time ago, that I would settle for no less than the best in relationships. I honestly feel like I've been through waayy to much in life to settle. I know it sounds terribly cliche, but I believe that I'm worth more. Maybe my version and my idea of love doesn't exist. Perhaps it never did. Maybe I'll be alone forever and I honestly think that I can live with that. But what I can't live with is adopting everyone else's view of love and accepting it as my own. So until next time....