Learn to Be Lonely

Here is a rough draft a column that I am writing for an online magazine. Enjoy;) In the infamous words of musical composer Andrew Lloyd Webber, young women today need to learn to be lonely. Now at first glance this might seem like sinister advice, but I promise you that it has a silver lining. In my short 18 years of life, relationships and love have morphed into things of a cliché nature. I can only speak for my generation, but it seems that we as young women have lost sight of a little thing called “standards”. Through close observation and a bit of practical work I have come to find that young women have become accustomed to accepting less than the best in relationships. We seem to have adapted this concept of playing a “role”. We have accepted what it is and make no further advances to change and make it what it should be. We have the power to do so, but still, for some reason staying in bad relationships seems, not only the favorable option, but the only option. When he disrespects, lies, or cheats; instead of accepting that his actions dictate that he really doesn’t want to be with us, we make excuses for him and ourselves as to why we stay with him. As I walk around the University of Toronto campus I wonder why this has come to be. Is it the textbook Dr. Phil answer which would be something to the effect of low self esteem? Or as the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” would have us believe, is it because from a young age we are taught that when a boy is mean to us it means that he likes us? Have times changed so drastically that this sub-par treatment in relationships is normal? Thoughts like these keep me up at night, as I’m sure they do many other women of today’s world. On the whole it seems that the days of honesty and fidelity are long gone and have been replaced by lies and deceit. I would like to say that this phenomenon of sub- par relationships are common among my generation because we just don’t know better, but I honestly do not think that is the case. After many sessions of tears, Oprah, and glasses of wine I’ve come to the conclusion that young women today need to learn to be lonely. Media, literature, and modern society force and reinforce this notion of “the couple” to us from the time we are young. We are told in many different ways that we are meant to be paired up, and if we’re not then something is seriously wrong. It is my belief that if we learn to be alone, it can only enhance the relationships we have in life. The phrase “learn to be lonely” is not meant to assert or insinuate that one be alone all of the time or forever. It simply means that we need to learn to be by ourselves in order to discover what makes us special, beautiful and unique as women so we know exactly what we bring to the table in relationships. If we do this we are less likely to be in sub- standard relationships for the fear of being alone. Through talking to some of the young women on the University of Toronto campus I’ve discovered that the general consensus is that most women stay in unhealthy relationships, convincing themselves that they are somehow doing him a favor by giving him another chance, because the fear and uncertainty of being alone is next to unbearable. Relationships are meant to enhance us, not complete us. We as women need to not rely on relationships to make us whole, but ourselves. And in the words of Andrew Lloyd Webber “learn to be lonely and learn to love life that is lived alone”.

I don't know everything but I know....

-I don't know everything, but I know that when a guy pursues you, it doesn't always mean that he likes you, it just means that he loves sex.

-I don't know everything but I know that love is a dangerous drug. It hallucinates the mind; makes you see things that aren't there, and ignore things that are.

-I don't know everything but I know that good friends who tell you the truth, no matter how hard the truth may be, are hard to come by.

-I don't know everything but I know that in order to love someone, you must love yourself. And in order to love yourself you must know yourself. And in order to know yourself you must live.

-I don't know everything but I know that a woman will concoct any story and rationalize any situation to keep her relationship alive.

-I don't know everything but I know that a private school education doesn't keep a person from being stupid.

-I dont know everything but I know that a woman will sacrifice everything to stay in a relationship, while a man lives his life.

-I dont know everything but I know that a woman who sets standards, and adheres to them, in a relationship is a rare and precious commodity.

-I don't know everything but I know that when a woman stands up for herself, he may not like it, but at the end of the day he will respect it.

-I don't know everything but i know that when a woman lets a man walk all over her, he's in charge and he knows it, And we all know what happens when boys go on power trips.;) I don't know everything but i know that the world will always judge. Sometimes we get judged, sometimes we're the ones doing the judging. But if at the end of the day you can look yourself in the mirror and say "I did my best today", then that's all that matters.

-I don't know everything but I know that a man can lie, cheat and get away with murder all because the woman in his life will let him.

-I don't know everything but I know that, for a woman, there is no greater fear than the fear of being along. Which makes women so much more accepting of being in bad relationships. "Being in a bad relationship is better than being in no relationship at all".

-I don't know everything and I know that I have a lot of learning to do........
LikeUnlike · Comment · Share · Delete

When A Man Loves A Woman

Heyy ladies! I've been feeling kind of inspired lately so here is lovely piece of literature to add to your "Shara Trott Collection" ;)

When a man loves a woman; HE DOES NOT CHEAT ON YOU. ( It's not rocket science. When a man cheats on you, he is telling you that you are not enough for him. And why would you want to be with someone who would rather be with someone else? (Though idk why he would want to be with someone else because you're all fabulous and gorgeous young ladies!) And furthermore, when you take a man back after he has cheated you are telling him that you don't think you deserve better, he no longer respects you or your relationship, and it gives him a free pass to do it over and over. Which he will.

When a man loves a woman; HE CALLS YOU (And I don't mean every two seconds. When a man is interested, he can't help but want to talk to you. And if he wants to talk to you; HE WILL. And if he doesn't want to talk to you; HE WON'T. And if he doesn't want to talk to you.....you're with him because..??? It takes two seconds to pick up the phone and check in, and if he can't even make the effort to pick up the phone, how the hell do you think he can put forth the effort to make a relationship work? Think about it.

When a man loves a woman; HE FIGHTS FOR HER (And I do not mean physically fight! If he wants you. He will let you know. If you ask him the THE question and he does not say; "I want to be with you" or something along those lines, you have a serious problem.
When a man loves a woman; HE WANTS THE BEST FOR HER (If he loves you, he will do whats best for you. Even if it means that he doesn't get everything he wants. Just like you would do the same for him.)

When a man loves a woman; HE DOES NOT CONFUSE WEAK WITH VULNERABLE (We all know that to truly love someone you need to be vulnerable and let him in blah blah blah. But being vulnerable doesn't mean to be weak. Weak is something you become when you're SICK or when someone has torn you down. And I've heard that love is supposed to make you feel good. LOVE DOES NOT HURT, contrary to popular belief. Yes you're going to have your tough moments, but when he's hurting you over and over or on purpose its time to walk away. And walking away doesn't mean you're giving up. It means you finally realised that you deserve better.)

When a woman loves a man; SHE LOVES HERSELF (It is impossible to love someone without loving yourself. So accepting his bullshit lies, and letting him treat you however he wants isn't loving him, because you're not loving yourself. You're enabling him; and thats something that people do with drug addicts;)

When a woman loves a man; SHE COMMUNICATES WHAT SHE WANTS AND NEEDS (If you cannot openly talk to the person you love, about anything; without the fear of him walking away, you have nothing. You cannot build something on nothing)

When a woman loves a man; SHE TRUSTS HIM (If you can't trust him. You can't love him. Enough said) Yeah, so you all know that I don't "do love" and I have my reasons. But I've been observing and reading a lot about "love", and if my friends are going to be in love, I want you guys to have the best♥.