Learn to Be Lonely

Here is a rough draft a column that I am writing for an online magazine. Enjoy;) In the infamous words of musical composer Andrew Lloyd Webber, young women today need to learn to be lonely. Now at first glance this might seem like sinister advice, but I promise you that it has a silver lining. In my short 18 years of life, relationships and love have morphed into things of a cliché nature. I can only speak for my generation, but it seems that we as young women have lost sight of a little thing called “standards”. Through close observation and a bit of practical work I have come to find that young women have become accustomed to accepting less than the best in relationships. We seem to have adapted this concept of playing a “role”. We have accepted what it is and make no further advances to change and make it what it should be. We have the power to do so, but still, for some reason staying in bad relationships seems, not only the favorable option, but the only option. When he disrespects, lies, or cheats; instead of accepting that his actions dictate that he really doesn’t want to be with us, we make excuses for him and ourselves as to why we stay with him. As I walk around the University of Toronto campus I wonder why this has come to be. Is it the textbook Dr. Phil answer which would be something to the effect of low self esteem? Or as the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” would have us believe, is it because from a young age we are taught that when a boy is mean to us it means that he likes us? Have times changed so drastically that this sub-par treatment in relationships is normal? Thoughts like these keep me up at night, as I’m sure they do many other women of today’s world. On the whole it seems that the days of honesty and fidelity are long gone and have been replaced by lies and deceit. I would like to say that this phenomenon of sub- par relationships are common among my generation because we just don’t know better, but I honestly do not think that is the case. After many sessions of tears, Oprah, and glasses of wine I’ve come to the conclusion that young women today need to learn to be lonely. Media, literature, and modern society force and reinforce this notion of “the couple” to us from the time we are young. We are told in many different ways that we are meant to be paired up, and if we’re not then something is seriously wrong. It is my belief that if we learn to be alone, it can only enhance the relationships we have in life. The phrase “learn to be lonely” is not meant to assert or insinuate that one be alone all of the time or forever. It simply means that we need to learn to be by ourselves in order to discover what makes us special, beautiful and unique as women so we know exactly what we bring to the table in relationships. If we do this we are less likely to be in sub- standard relationships for the fear of being alone. Through talking to some of the young women on the University of Toronto campus I’ve discovered that the general consensus is that most women stay in unhealthy relationships, convincing themselves that they are somehow doing him a favor by giving him another chance, because the fear and uncertainty of being alone is next to unbearable. Relationships are meant to enhance us, not complete us. We as women need to not rely on relationships to make us whole, but ourselves. And in the words of Andrew Lloyd Webber “learn to be lonely and learn to love life that is lived alone”.